Living in Love
Last week I was really feeling down on myself; I had somehow managed to wiggle my way into this terrible spiral of negativity that was breeding more negativity, fear and resentment and I was spreading it all over the show like a kid with a can of silly spray on Christmas day.
The thing is, I have a lot going on right now; I’m in the middle of negotiating some major life changes and working harder than ever trying to hold down a full time job, a new business and a home renovation. Truth be told, I jumped on this band wagon of negativity about a week after we returned home from our holiday in Cornwall, so it’s been going on a while. If you are wondering why I let it fester, here’s the thing - when you are so full of busyness it’s hard to really see and understand the impact of that busyness! And it was only on Friday (4 days ago) that I suddenly became very aware of my own misery and very very painfully aware of my internal dialogue, which, to give you some idea sounded a little like this:
“UGH I have to do all of that ironing”
“UGH I have to cook some kind of healthy dinner and I just want pizza”
“UGH I have to paint another layer of undercoat in the bedroom”
“UGH I have to write a blog post”
Everything that had to get done was started with this negative thought, this “UGH”. This exhaustion, frustration, madness; everything was hard and annoying and just another damn thing on my to-do list. And when your to-do list takes up pretty much every waking moment of the day that’s a LOT of negativity you are creating and spreading round. I had become a breading ground for the “UGH” and I’m thankful for all the tools I gathered on my journey through self enquiry that have made me self aware because, although it went on way too long, I did notice it! And that, I assure you, is 90% of the work!
CHANGING THE TUNE
So what do you do when you notice the chat has become a little bitter and you’ve gotten stuck in this spiral of negativity? Firstly, I acknowledged that I was having a hard time; that I was tired and emotionally drained. And I created space in every day to step off the treadmill; for me it was as easy as going to bed 30 minutes earlier to read a little longer before I slept or getting to the gym. Then I changed my inner chat so that it sounded a little more like this;
“I love having a clean house, so I’m going to get that laundry done”
“I love feeling healthy and strong, so I am going to cook a great meal that makes me feel good”
“I love our home and want to move in, like yesterday, so I’m going to put in as much work as I can”
“I love knowing that someone somewhere could benefit from my vulnerability, so I am going to write a blog post”
I WANT TO LIVE IN LOVE
Why am I telling you all this? I wanted to share all this with with you for two reasons; the first is totally selfish - it’s my way of keeping myself accountable for my internal dialogue. I want more love in every part of my life, not just the big parts where love is very obviously required to proceed - I want to feel filled with love in everything I do! The second is in the last line of dialogue; I’ve learned that sharing my struggles connects me to people who feel the same way I do, and there is immense power in a community of honest, open people. If my words are hitting home for you then know that I share my insights because I believe and can attest to the fact that Living from Love makes everything easier, and it makes you and the people around you happier. You can start today simply by changing your internal dialogue.
“I'm not teaching you anything you don't already know somewhere deep within your being. Your genetic systems are encoded with this knowledge. My role is to awaken you to what you have simply forgotten along the way.” Baron Baptiste - Perfectly Imperfect.